The day that changed my life

Let me tell you about the day that changed my life. I found out I was pregnant after a short time trying to conceive and my husband and I were ecstatic. We have wanted a child and it seemed that it was so easily and so quickly coming true. My pregnancy progressed in what I deemed as a "normal" fashion until the day that changed my life.

There are a handful of days in a persons life that changes and truly defines their life, for me, March 30th, 2018 was that day. My husband and I were enjoying a yummy breakfast in the parking lot of the hospital before my 20 week anatomy scan. We were both excited to see our boy again and then were off to visit family out of town later that day. I checked in and waited in the large, modern hospital waiting room. The waiting room seemed more like a art gallery than a hospital. It is interesting the small details you can remember on defining days these details seems more brilliant and others so fuzzy. 

The next thing I remember is seeing our boy flipping ad flopping on the screen as the ultrasound tech poked my belly trying to get all her appropriate scans. He was being rather difficult and it made me smile thinking of the strong-willed toddler we would parent the coming years. We got to see his perfect face, his strong arms and legs and his healthy heart. Our boy was growing so well. The last scan the ultra sound tech had to take was of my cervix via the lovely (not!) trans vaginal ultrasound. The ultrasound tech then quickly left the room and my husband and I thought nothing of it chatting away about how perfect our little boy was. Maybe two minutes later the ultrasound tech and a nurse came in and told us my cervix was open and we needed to go to the 7th floor - Labor and Delivery. Not good. This part of the story becomes rather fuzzy, what seemed like a crazy long elevator ride, nurses poking and prodding me to put in an IV, and then the conversation that changed everything. 

The OB doctor told me that my cervix was dilated 3 cm and my membranes, or my amniotic sac, was coming out. I'm no doctor but I know this was not good... at least not now, it's just too early. I just remember thinking how could this happen and praying I would wake up from this dream. We were transferred to a hospital in downtown Seattle, WA for more specialized care. They transferred me because they wanted to attempt a cerclage to save my boy. I remember the quietness as I walked through the the anti-partum wing of Swedish Hospital as if everyone knew the gravity of why you were there. This wing was for women that were having challenges with their pregnancies; before this day I didn't even know it existed but am so grateful it does. I was poked and prodded a few more times and then I had to wait until the next morning to see if my membranes receded to attempt the surgery. 

My husband sweetly notified our families of our situation and it was then that we told them we were having a little boy. We had intended to announce the gender of our baby at dinner later that evening but now were were doing via a Facebook group while sitting in a hospital bed. I did not sleep that night (how could I!?) and I still remember the hum of the IV machine all night long. The next morning I was full of optimism as the doctors checked to see if my body responded... it did not. The doctors did not give me a good chance to make it to term or even viability (24 weeks). I left the hospital later that day a ticking time bomb not knowing when my boy would come. 

He did come... one week later. Due to infection of my opened cervix I delivered my son on April 8th, 2018. He lived for 24 minutes and he was perfect. We named him Liam James.

I will end with this... no parent should have to leave the hospital without their baby and make funeral arrangements rather than soak in baby snuggles. No mother should have to endure labor, and bleed, and have milk come in for a child she will never get to nurture.  

This is my story. This is the day that forever changed my life.